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Jokes
- Thread starter Chas
- Start date
J
jibberjabber
Guest
J
jibberjabber
Guest
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
J
jibberjabber
Guest
What's the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?
Your teeth!
Your teeth!
J
jibberjabber
Guest
All Land Rovers are like women - They leak when you don't want them to, moan on long journey's, embarrass you in front of friends, and spend more money than you ever expected once you've commit yourself to one.
J
jibberjabber
Guest
Why is a land rover the best vehicle for overlanding in Africa?
If you break down you never have to walk very far befor finding another broken down landrover you can steal parts from.
If you break down you never have to walk very far befor finding another broken down landrover you can steal parts from.
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jibberjabber
Guest
When is a LR/Tata worth the most?
When the fuel tank is full.
Or
How do you double the value of your LR/Tata?
Fill up the fuel tank.
When the fuel tank is full.
Or
How do you double the value of your LR/Tata?
Fill up the fuel tank.
J
jibberjabber
Guest
Three 4x4 drivers go to heaven
The 1st man approached the pearly gates and St Peter asks "What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies " I drove a Nissan Patrol"
St Peter replies " Well I am afraid you cannot enter and it is off to hell with you"
The 2nd man approaches and again St Peter asks " What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies "I drove a Hilux"
St Peter replies " Well I am afraid you cannot enter and it is off to hell with you"
The 3rd man approaches and St Peter asks " What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies "I drove a Landrover"
St Peter replies "Well in that case, you are more than welcome as you've already been to hell.
The 1st man approached the pearly gates and St Peter asks "What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies " I drove a Nissan Patrol"
St Peter replies " Well I am afraid you cannot enter and it is off to hell with you"
The 2nd man approaches and again St Peter asks " What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies "I drove a Hilux"
St Peter replies " Well I am afraid you cannot enter and it is off to hell with you"
The 3rd man approaches and St Peter asks " What did you drive on earth?"
The man replies "I drove a Landrover"
St Peter replies "Well in that case, you are more than welcome as you've already been to hell.
J
jibberjabber
Guest
WHAT DO YOU DO?
You are driving in your land rover at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your motor and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round" ... you are ****ed
You are driving in your land rover at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your motor and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Read Below
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Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round" ... you are ****ed
Friends- just a gentle reminder to be careful this Christmas and festive season.
Yesterday I went to a Christmas party and of course I had a couple of glasses of wine, some beer and the night got pretty wild once we had had a few shots!
But I had the sense to know that I was over the limit, and that’s when I decided to do something I’ve never done before- I took a bus home.
Sure enough - there was a police road block on the way home, but since it was a bus, they waved it on.
I arrived home safely without incident.
This was both a great relief and a surprise, since I’ve never driven a bus before.
I don’t even know where I got it from, and now that it’s on my drive, I don’t know what to do with it......
Yesterday I went to a Christmas party and of course I had a couple of glasses of wine, some beer and the night got pretty wild once we had had a few shots!
But I had the sense to know that I was over the limit, and that’s when I decided to do something I’ve never done before- I took a bus home.
Sure enough - there was a police road block on the way home, but since it was a bus, they waved it on.
I arrived home safely without incident.
This was both a great relief and a surprise, since I’ve never driven a bus before.
I don’t even know where I got it from, and now that it’s on my drive, I don’t know what to do with it......
Two red indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'
The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.
Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOO, 'WOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read................
You'll like this, scroll down
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NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!
All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'
The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.
Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOO, 'WOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read................
You'll like this, scroll down
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NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!
Many years ago my mother in law began reading The Exorcist, saying it was the most evil book she ever read, so evil she couldn't finish it, took it to the river and threw it in.
I went and bought another copy ran it under the tap and put it on her bedside table
, my father in law said she found it, screamed and fainted.
I'm going to hell I know but it will be laughing.
I went and bought another copy ran it under the tap and put it on her bedside table
, my father in law said she found it, screamed and fainted.I'm going to hell I know but it will be laughing.
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2010
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People say I should sell my confessions about life as a vampire to one of the tabloids, but I just can't see myself in The Mirror and the Sun is a non starter.
