So it’s like this. The Fat One says “Monkey, fancy a road trip?” Well you all know me. I’m all over that. Chicks, drugs, guns. “Sign me up Silly Man” says I. Beers in the fridge, a couple of extra Pot Noodles in the back and we were off.
I let him drive. He likes that, besides I get to look out of the window.
“So where are we going Oh Lord of the Pies?” I ask. He tells me that we’re going up to Scotland to finish off some off road safari that he started a while ago. Sounded like rock and roll to me.
The RV was at some Red Deer Range. Well ‘scuse me for getting that wrong. I turned up in my monkey cammo and a .308 Turns out not to be that sort of range. It’s just for viewing. Darn.
We’re soon on the road and hitting the trails.
Not long before we’re at some Loch. Yes it’s pronounced Loccccchhhh. Locks apparently are for keys and narrow boats. Seems Robert the Bruce gave the English a right bashing here. There’s a switch, eh. Turns out to be Glen Trool. No idea who he was by the way.
Here's a shot of Loch Doon. I prefer Loch Doom myself. Once the rain cleared, we headed up Bennan for a look. All these routes by the way are private. Nick and Linda who run this outfit have negotiated sole access so none of you Landie boys need think about following in my footsteps. We go to the top and there were two idiots climbing on the mast. Hmm, I had a long distant cousin who climbed something like that in New York once. That didn’t end well I recall. Chicks. Hrumph.
Along the way there were many fascinating stories to be told. Many about poor shepherds who died with their flocks sheltering from Winter blizzards. Guess they didn’t have Cruisers back then.
Time for a little snackeroo by this time. A bit of dip and some bisquits. Nice.
Long day, quite a few miles under the belt but still no chicks. That must be tomorrow.
And so to bed.
Next morning, more piles of rocks, lochs and fantastic views. We were up in the hills by this point with 11 000 acres to play in. We spotted some Roe deer but too far to go and ride them.
There was in interesting mix of vehicles. A Troll in the lead, a Troop Camper, our cruiser, a Defender from Luxembourg and this sort of house on wheels. Seemed to struggle a little. So we gave the guy a lift in the rough stuff. This was a great opportunity for him to tell up how great his Lamerover was. Errr…..
Mid morning and it was time to chill by another loccchhhhh. PG of course and cool fresh healthy smoke.
Back to the trails and we had to deal with one or two fallen trees. Out came the axes and saws. I just chilled and watched the Fat One sweat.
My turn to drive. Man I was a driving God, I can tell you. Off road, on road, I am just the best. Never stuck once.
Lots of time for stops and just generally hanging around.
Later that afternoon we got a call to go and see the hydro electric being switched on. If you like turbines and stuff you’d love this. 115m head of water passing through at 500 litres a second. That’s 30 tonnes a minute. Too excited to take any pics I’m afraid. It was generating about 4 mega watts of totally free power. Vey cool.
On the last day we went to the lighthouse round on the Mull of Galloway. Windy? Holy Bananas Fatman. Un-bee-leevable. We went up top and nearly got blown off into the sea. Learned all about the light etc. Fascinating.
All told great fun. This is a close to laning in Scotland as you’ll ever get. A good opportunity for a vehicle pre trip shakedown too. Peter was off to Oz in his camper.
Best of luck Peter! We’ve some mods to do too and new suspension is on order from Australia given the inability to find anyone reliable here in the UK.
On the way home we passed a layby at the foot of the Kirkstone pass.
Blow me if it wasn’t full of Cruisers. We stopped for a look. Bugger me if it wasn’t Darth Voelker and his crew having lunch! What’s the chances of that then. We were planning a stop over at Ambleside at one of Lardy’s hotels.
Pretty plush. Even got a sea view. Well it looked like the sea and it wasn’t a locchhh to be sure.
That evening, we got to see the chicks. I knew it. We had tickets to some gig in Glasgow. The Pie Man only had a private box overlooking the stage.
Hey, Airborne and Black Stone Cherry. Sweet! Got a couple of large ones down my neck and just ligged. I am sooo rock n roll, man.
So all in all a really good weekend. They do a full week trip which involves shooting, visitin some attractions and so on, but are tuned into the fact that some people just want to lane and camp eating dog food out of a packet. Like us. So they are putting together more of that sort of tihing including something called the Lagen Challenge which is an attempt to get a vehicle up a hill where no vehicle has ever been before. We can't let the enemy win that one surely? The views are stunning and the tracks great to drive.
Give them a look see here. It's well organised that's for sure. OK it's not Transalvadd in the Zlaafschmuut Mountains, but it's a great way to see your own back garden.
http://www.4x4treksscotland.com/
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You should pen a book 
