Thursday giggle

[joinerman]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.... It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
Will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something
Smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course He'll shut up once you let him in.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's
Sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Women will never be equal to men
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head
And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

 

[Chas]

At breakfast woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'
He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'
At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. ' A bowl of soup, homemade steak and kidney pie, or a cheese sandwich?'
He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'has really taken away my desire for food.'

Come dinnertime, she again asks if he wants anything to eat. 'Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?'

He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra . . I'm still not hungry.'

'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm f**kin starving!

 

[joinerman]

In a London Hospital , a gentleman had made several attempts to get
into the men's toilet, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch
any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons
he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP20 and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought.
Men's toilet's don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies toilet was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push
the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under
your pillow."

MEN NEVER LISTEN