What should we let our kids do?

clivehorridge

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After running off at a tangent in CaptainOversteer's thread 'My bargain 24V' thought it might be an idea to post this thread, just in case there's more to be said on this subject :think:
 

Philip A

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Teach your kids to be responsible, and they will grow up as responsible human beings. Teach them how to think by themselves, how to find the solutions to everyday's problems, how to handle danger and react sensibly in the face of the unknown or unexpected, and you'll have done a thousand times more to protect them than by locking them in a safe room.

Be afraid of everything, raise them in cotton wool, keep them on a very short leash, and you'll end up with neutered, inadequate, scared, irresponsible quasi-human beings. The kind that cannot find their way out of a tight situation, feel lost whenever they have to take a decision for themselves, and rely on society at large to take care of their needs.
 
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adrianr

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Adding to Philips great post.

I've taught mine to trust what they learn, not what they are "taught" by an educational system that wants to teach them how to be a better slave. to think for themselves and not be swayed by peer pressure and general consensus and opinion.

Trust what resonates with you, and your gut instincts and intuitions.
 
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Shayne

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Teach them that actions have consequences both good and bad . I would rather go to jail for hitting my kids than have my kids go to jail because I didn't .

It's a rule seen throughout the animal kingdom . A single sharp slap on the backside when a childs about 5 installs a permanent subconscious fear of doing wrong .

I bet Mike Tyson cringes like a 3 year old when his 90 odd year old mother raises her voice because he fears a beating .
 

Crispin

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Philip stole my instructions... My niece and nephew are part if his "don't" and you can see it (well, from my point of view)

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clivehorridge

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This all sounds like good stuff. It's not easy though. My little un wanted a skateboard at 3 yrs old. :wtf: she can barely run around the garden without falling because she's in such a hurry to get where she's going. The thought of her on a skateboard... :shock:

Anyway, Santa brought her a skateboard (he's got a lot to answer for that chap!) and a set of knee, shin and elbow pads and a helmet... My goodness, it used to take her half the morning getting kitted up. She'd then spend 15 minutes falling of this damn board and then come in! Thank goodness she never mastered it, she's lost interest now and moved on, back to the neighbour's horse that she started riding at 2 yrs old. (Ha ha just noticed the pun there, neigh bour!)

And the answer's no Ana, Santa won't be bringing you your own horse at Christmas this year! He doesn't do horses and that's official.
 
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clivehorridge

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Ha, ha (no icons for this!). Well spotted, see how easily the English language can be misinterpreted! I'm fighting with this stuff every day writing addenda to contract and the like, I should have known better! It took us 7 years to get her, certainly she was/is wanted!


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clivehorridge

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Both good articles on this theme ED & Cris,
I like the vid and the way he presented it, more than a pinch of salt needed but spot-on on most.
People laugh at the Scout movement these days and I think it a shame.
I grew up with it and it taught me so much about thinking your way through problems as well as tutored use of basic implements.
We did adventurous things like building bridges and making boats (I ended up as one of the founders of a new Sea Scout troop) which required mastering loads of skills using hand and power tools. We made canvas and glass fibre kayaks and learned to shoot rapids as well as sailing and rowing. Loads of teamwork stuff in making and using, plus all the hard work raising funds to finance it all.



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moggy1968

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use your imagination, don't expect other people to spoon feed you your entertainment every minute of the day. being bored occasionally is good! It's thinking time.
Respect others and their needs, don't just think of yourself or do what you like without thought of the impact on others.

otherwise, as others have said really. Be independent and creative, don't be afraid to try new things. As a parent it's hard but I try not to let my insecurities impact on my kids. I try and let them be children, explore and play, but hopefully watched closely enough I can step in without it all going horribly wrong without looking as though I am watching them!

Children need parents to be parents, not their friend. They've got friends their own age. Get friends your own age if you need friends!

In my job I tend to come across a lot of societies problems. Most stem from lack of discipline and guidance and a lack of respect or understanding for the needs of others.
Smacking your children is legal in this country (within certain boundaries), but be consistent so they know, when they cross a certain boundary that's it. Random and inconsistent discipline just confuses them. Set boundaries and stick to them, if that means they're rolling on the floor screaming in Tesco, so be it, don't give in!!

As a society we seem to have lost sight of the difference between discipline and abuse, which will be to the detriment of society in the future. We are already seeing the effects of this now.
 
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moggy1968

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Ha, ha (no icons for this!). Well spotted, see how easily the English language can be misinterpreted! I'm fighting with this stuff every day writing addenda to contract and the like, I should have known better! It took us 7 years to get her, certainly she was/is wanted!


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the importance of punctuation:

Yesterday, I helped my old Uncle Jack of his horse

yesterday I helped my old uncle jack off his horse

!!!!!
 

clivehorridge

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Moggy,
You have raised some good points. I too have been exposed to youngsters with 'difficulties' and one recurring theme is their lack of trust, love and stability of the 'home' environment. Parents should be more than teachers, they have to find a balance between disciplinarian and friend or confidente. So many of these kids can't confide in their parents at all, and if they don't have good friends, there's nobody for them to turn to with their problems.

There are too many teenage suicides that stem back to not being able to offload their problems to someone.

Love and stability are essential to kids growing up, as well as a proper level of discipline and education. Tough call for parents, head cook and bottle washer!


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Shayne

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IMO Moggy has hit the nail on the head with "consistency" . A child can adapt to circumstances that many would consider diabolical because in a kids mind life is whatever presents itself as they have nothing else to compare it to . A child regularly left without food or care and perhaps beaten at least once a week considers it normal .

Take that child away from his one constant in life whether it be his mother or father or whatever even if it is sometimes the source of neglect and you have denied the child something so profound it cannot be explained .

A childs security is trust , in knowing what to expect whether it includes punishment or not . In all circumstances when the child is in times of trouble they will turn to the parent who employed the strictest discipline upon them while growing up .
 
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