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Jokes
- Thread starter Chas
- Start date
BIG clean GREEN
Well-Known Member
NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH
A bus stops and 2 Italian guys get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'
The lady can't take this anymore,
"You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!"
She said, indignantly.
'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell... 'Mississippi '.. !!
A bus stops and 2 Italian guys get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'
The lady can't take this anymore,
"You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!"
She said, indignantly.
'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell... 'Mississippi '.. !!
BIG clean GREEN
Well-Known Member
Old one but still funny !
LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN
The teacher asked the class to use the
word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My
family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was
fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to
use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She
said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The
teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher
hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate',
so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN
The teacher asked the class to use the
word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My
family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was
fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to
use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She
said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The
teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher
hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate',
so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
Chas
Well-Known Member
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Chas
Well-Known Member
When those student riots took place in France a few years ago the population was shocked to find Frenchmen fighting in the streets of Paris, after all they managed to get through two world wars without that happening.
_______________________________________________________________________________
I've invented a new after shave and decided to call it "World War." It's being manufactured in France. Apparently, they are excellent at bottling it.
_______________________________________________________________________________
I've invented a new after shave and decided to call it "World War." It's being manufactured in France. Apparently, they are excellent at bottling it.
Chas
Well-Known Member
A teacher's story about stuttering
A teacher was explaining biology to her primary school class.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she said
A little girl raised her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could be, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.
'It sure was,' said the little girl.
'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,"
but before she could say 'Feck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!
A teacher was explaining biology to her primary school class.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she said
A little girl raised her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could be, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.
'It sure was,' said the little girl.
'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,"
but before she could say 'Feck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!
Chas
Well-Known Member
A young chap from a family with a long history of Army service joined up and part of his training was to make a parachute jump.
Afterwards he was talking to his father about it, he told him when he was at the aircraft door he froze.
His father said "Son you had the family’s reputation to think of,
Did you jump?"
The son said "Dad I got to the door and froze, all I could see was this great big drop in front of me"
Father said “Our families military history was resting on your shoulders son,
Did you jump?"
“Dad I was scared to jump, that great big drop scared me shitless, and all I could think of was suppose the chute doesn’t open”
“Son you had to jump, it would have disgraced our families military history if you didn’t!
The son said, "I tried to dad, but I was scared, I could only think of hitting the ground with no chute above me"
"Son the parachutes are checked thoroughly before every jump to make sure they work,
. . . Did you jump?"
The son replied “The Flight sergeant came up to me and said “If you don’t jump soldier I’m going to stick my hairy great c*ck right up your a*se”
“Yes, yes son” said the father,
“BUT DID YOU JUMP”
And the son said “Well just a little at first”
Afterwards he was talking to his father about it, he told him when he was at the aircraft door he froze.
His father said "Son you had the family’s reputation to think of,
Did you jump?"
The son said "Dad I got to the door and froze, all I could see was this great big drop in front of me"
Father said “Our families military history was resting on your shoulders son,
Did you jump?"
“Dad I was scared to jump, that great big drop scared me shitless, and all I could think of was suppose the chute doesn’t open”
“Son you had to jump, it would have disgraced our families military history if you didn’t!
The son said, "I tried to dad, but I was scared, I could only think of hitting the ground with no chute above me"
"Son the parachutes are checked thoroughly before every jump to make sure they work,
. . . Did you jump?"
The son replied “The Flight sergeant came up to me and said “If you don’t jump soldier I’m going to stick my hairy great c*ck right up your a*se”
“Yes, yes son” said the father,
“BUT DID YOU JUMP”
And the son said “Well just a little at first”
Chas
Well-Known Member
An Italian Mother comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner .. . . Who lives with his female roommate Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates".
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying,’ Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl .You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house; I’m not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony
Next day, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama
Moral: Never lie to your Mama . . . Especially if she's Italian!
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates".
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying,’ Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl .You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house; I’m not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony
Next day, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama
Moral: Never lie to your Mama . . . Especially if she's Italian!
BIG clean GREEN
Well-Known Member
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in
front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was
standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these b*g**rs have lost the plot!!
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.
Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....
'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a
gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a sh*t."
Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it....
I thought that was a bit harsh so i gave it a dead leg instead.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that the Wii GameBoy he received isn't what he was expecting.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!
The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week, all the forms will only be printed in English.
Husband says to wife ‘My Olympic condoms have arrived – I think I’ll wear gold tonight’. Wife says, ‘Why don’t you wear silver and come second for a change’.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'
The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in
front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was
standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these b*g**rs have lost the plot!!
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.
Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....
'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a
gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a sh*t."
Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it....
I thought that was a bit harsh so i gave it a dead leg instead.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that the Wii GameBoy he received isn't what he was expecting.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!
The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week, all the forms will only be printed in English.
Husband says to wife ‘My Olympic condoms have arrived – I think I’ll wear gold tonight’. Wife says, ‘Why don’t you wear silver and come second for a change’.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'
The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.
BIG clean GREEN
Well-Known Member
Sorry !
A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First
is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is
boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish
by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is
attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.
He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he
do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat
anything.
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moves on to the last job which is o collect honey from the South
American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He
grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what
to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to the
other lions and says, "What's the food like here?"
The lions say, "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps
with Mushy Bees.
A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First
is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is
boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish
by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is
attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.
He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he
do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat
anything.
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moves on to the last job which is o collect honey from the South
American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He
grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what
to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to the
other lions and says, "What's the food like here?"
The lions say, "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps
with Mushy Bees.
BIG clean GREEN
Well-Known Member
> >Duz tha speak Yorkshire
> >
> >A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
> >
> >Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
> >
> >Vet: "Is it a tom?"
> >
> >Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
> >.........................................................................
> >..............
> >
> >A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to
> >have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
> >
> >Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
> >
> >Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
> >
> >Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
> >
> >.........................................................................
> >..........................
> >A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone
> >should have the words "She were thine" engraved on it.
> >He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be
> >ready a few days after the funeral.
> >True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the
> >headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
> >
> >When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that
> >it's been engraved "She were thin".
> >
> >He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the blood y "e" out, you've
> >left the blood y "e" out!"
> >
> >The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that
> >it will be rectified the following morning.
> >
> >Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go
> >sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
> >
> >The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud:
> >
> >"E, she were thin".
> >
> >.........................................................................
> >...........
> >
> >Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell
> >arse cream?"
> >
> >Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
> >
> >
> >.........................................................................
> >Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being
> >carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs.
> >Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ectasy just
> >above their front teeth.
> >Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"
> >
> >
> >A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
> >
> >Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
> >
> >Vet: "Is it a tom?"
> >
> >Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
> >.........................................................................
> >..............
> >
> >A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to
> >have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
> >
> >Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
> >
> >Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
> >
> >Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
> >
> >.........................................................................
> >..........................
> >A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone
> >should have the words "She were thine" engraved on it.
> >He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be
> >ready a few days after the funeral.
> >True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the
> >headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
> >
> >When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that
> >it's been engraved "She were thin".
> >
> >He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the blood y "e" out, you've
> >left the blood y "e" out!"
> >
> >The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that
> >it will be rectified the following morning.
> >
> >Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go
> >sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
> >
> >The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud:
> >
> >"E, she were thin".
> >
> >.........................................................................
> >...........
> >
> >Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell
> >arse cream?"
> >
> >Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
> >
> >
> >.........................................................................
> >Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being
> >carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs.
> >Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ectasy just
> >above their front teeth.
> >Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"
> >
Chas
Well-Known Member
The ASDA Greeter
A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Manchester United top walked into ASDA in Cheetham Hill with her two kids yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, “Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?”
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
”F*ck no, they're not twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the f*ck would you think they're twins?
Are you blind, thick or just stupid?”
”I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam, “replied the greeter.
”I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.
Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.”
A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Manchester United top walked into ASDA in Cheetham Hill with her two kids yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, “Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?”
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
”F*ck no, they're not twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the f*ck would you think they're twins?
Are you blind, thick or just stupid?”
”I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam, “replied the greeter.
”I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.
Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.”
Ecky Thump
Well-Known Member
THE SNIFFER DOG
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne,when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'Search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne,when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'Search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
Ecky Thump
Well-Known Member
A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife:
"Y'know sump tin, honey, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station...
Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.
From now on, when I says, 'Bell one,' I want you to strip naked.
When I says 'Bell two,' you jump on de bed.
When I says 'Bell tree,' we's gonna mek love all tru de night."
The next night, he came home and shouted, 'Bell One' and she stripped naked.
'Bell Two' and she jumped on the bed.
'Bell Tree' and they started to make love.
After a few minutes, the wife yelled out, "Bell Four!"
"What de hell is 'Bell Four', woman?," asked the astonished Jamaican.
She replied: "Roll out more hose, man, you ain't nowhere near de fire!"
"Y'know sump tin, honey, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station...
Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.
From now on, when I says, 'Bell one,' I want you to strip naked.
When I says 'Bell two,' you jump on de bed.
When I says 'Bell tree,' we's gonna mek love all tru de night."
The next night, he came home and shouted, 'Bell One' and she stripped naked.
'Bell Two' and she jumped on the bed.
'Bell Tree' and they started to make love.
After a few minutes, the wife yelled out, "Bell Four!"
"What de hell is 'Bell Four', woman?," asked the astonished Jamaican.
She replied: "Roll out more hose, man, you ain't nowhere near de fire!"
Chas
Well-Known Member
Could someone north of Watford explain this for us saffas / southerners?Crispin said:
[/quote:1bzgl7v4]I think it's those natives oop north's
way of putting how us Southerners would say OMG, you have to remember Crispin, they talk a completely different language up there 
