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Jokes
- Thread starter Chas
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Gav missin
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Aren't jaguar part of landrover!!!! Just saying like........
J
jibberjabber
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Are they both part of the Tata Group of India?
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Gav missin
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Think so. Chas should know he drives a jag!!!!
J
jibberjabber
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Ah, the plot thickens.
Walking down the street, a labour Member of Parliament is hit by a lorry and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter. He says, "
'Welcome to heaven. Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem. We seldom see anyone in such a high office around here, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'Just let me in,' says the politician.
'Well, I'd like to but I have instructions from above. You'll have to spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven, then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' replies St Peter
With that, St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he went down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the Devil, a very nice, friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They're having such a good time that before he realises, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave as the lift rises...
The door opens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to show you around, Heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing harps and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then answers: 'Well, I would never have thought it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down down to Hell.
When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and refuse.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as more garbage falls from above.
The Devil comes over and puts his arm around his shoulder.
'I don't understand,' stammers the MP, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? '
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning...
Today you voted.
'Welcome to heaven. Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem. We seldom see anyone in such a high office around here, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'Just let me in,' says the politician.
'Well, I'd like to but I have instructions from above. You'll have to spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven, then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' replies St Peter
With that, St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he went down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the Devil, a very nice, friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They're having such a good time that before he realises, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave as the lift rises...
The door opens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to show you around, Heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing harps and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then answers: 'Well, I would never have thought it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down down to Hell.
When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and refuse.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as more garbage falls from above.
The Devil comes over and puts his arm around his shoulder.
'I don't understand,' stammers the MP, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? '
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning...
Today you voted.
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But not for too much longer Gav.
I'm looking for another Cruiser, but I'm fussy, must be auto, petrol and have perfect bodywork, mechanics can always be repaired cheaper than bad bodywork.
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Gav missin
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Good man Chas pleased to hear that. What are you looking for this time round? 80 /100 something older or newer?
I think at the moment I'd like another 80 about 97/98. I was really sorry to let The Phoenix go but a diesel is not good because of the low emission zone which will be enlarged before too long.
Gav missin
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I can personally recommend an import 24v auto. Love mine or are you a manual fan?
Must be an auto.
Gav missin
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Import only on those years if you want auto. Andy lomas will second my opinion on 24v and auto I'm sure.
Gav missin
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Sorry Chas totally missed the petrol bit on your post. My bad. Opens up the market a bit then. Good luck hunting mate
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Would this fit in your garage Chas https://www.japanesecartrade.com/3468138-japan-used-toyota-fj-cruiser-suv-2013.html
Over to you Andy, got any spare 80's knocking about?
I would love that, it would fit in my garage but I'm not so sure about the access road leading to it, how wide are they compared to an 80 which just about gets in.
Thanks for that Roger, so overall they are probably a very similar width.
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Not sure what we are doing in the jokes thread. But... the petrol engine will need to be much newer than was ever sold in a landcruiser in the UK, keep that in mind. It's not that all petrols are okay.
J
