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Jokes

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Air traffic control conversation.

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long take off queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
 
The other night I was invited out for a night with some mates. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight...

Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down very easy. At 3am,drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.

Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock.

She didn't seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I thought!
Then she said we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said,

"Well, last night it cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'oh f**k,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more.... then farted."
 
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