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Jokes

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Classic ! What happened to Jasper ? I know he had Golden Balls for a while, then nothing.
 
An older lady is standing in line at the Pearly Gates awaiting her turn to see St. Peter.

There was a young woman in front her, so she decides to strike up a conversation and asks how the young woman died. She says "I froze to death."

"That's horrible" says the lady.

"How about you?" asks the young woman.

"Well" says the lady "I suspected my husband was cheating, so I came home early from work to see if I might catch him in the act."

"I ran in and bounded up the steps to the bedroom, only to find him alone in bed."

"I rushed to the closet, and found it empty."

"I dove under the bed and found nothing"

"I ran through every room in the house from the basement to the attic, but didn't find anything."

"Then I keeled over from a heart attack."

"Well" says the young woman "If you'd looked in the f*cking freezer first we'd both be alive."
 
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An old solicitor dies and goes to heaven and St Peter is stood at the pearly gates......

"welcome to heaven, we don't get many 137 year old solicitors"

Solicitor says..."I'm only 84"

St Peter says...."not according to the hours you've charged"!
 
A couple of wives having a night off from hubby went out for a few drinks and on the way home needed a pee, one said "Lets pop into the church grounds there will be no one about", so they did and after as there was nothing to wipe with one used her knickers and then threw them away, the other used a wreath lying there.
In the morning the men were talking one said "That's the last time I let the missus out on her own she came home with no nickers" "Is that all" said the other? "In my wife's nickers was a card saying from all at the fire station"
 
A guy walks into a cafe and there's a Jamaican lady serving.

He say's "can I have a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich please"

Lady say's "a what?"

"A cup of tea and a bacon sandwich please", takes his tea and sits down.

A few minutes later the lady brings two slices of bread with a can of lager inbetween.

Guy say's "what's this?"

"It's yer beer can sandwich man!"
 
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